FORGIVE ME FATHER

I have been asked to share some words on the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It has been said that “life is an adventure in forgiveness.” Still, it seems there are many good Catholics who strive to live our faith, but find that confession (at least to a priest) is not necessary, perhaps because they may have had a prior bad experience. I can relate to that.

Earlier this year, I was hearing confessions in Raleigh, NC, (as part of my weekend visit for Food for the Poor), when the penitent began to repeat his sins. I said to him, “I think I already heard these.” He snapped, “No you haven’t.” I apologized and he proceeded. Then there was a pause, so I began to give him his penance, when he interrupted and said, “I’m not done yet.” Again I apologized, and he continued. Once again he was repeating what he had confessed earlier. I waited until there was a long pause, and asked if he had finished. He assured me that he had. As I began to give him his penance, he said, “I don’t like that penance. In fact, I don’t like you. I think I want to kill you.” And before those words had sunk in, he had left his side of the confessional, opened the door to mine, and came at me. I stuck out my hands and right leg to hold him back, and said to him, “Get hold of yourself! Do you realize where you are?” To which he said, “I’m sorry. Can I go to confession again?” I responded, “Yes…Next Saturday.”

What is this sacrament all about? Like all sacraments, it is first and foremost AN ENCOUNTER WITH GOD. And there is more. A former parishioner, Charlie Turner, a warrior battling life, and wise far beyond his limited education, sends me poetry every so often. One of his latest –

I will have to die to live forever.
I will have to die to see the face of God.
I pray I never see the face of the devil.
To see the devil’s face would mean I have offended God.

When I was a babe, only original sin stained my soul.
But with age I blanketed my soul with sins of my own.
True sorrow is the bath to cleanse my soul.
So I fear not death…I can look for the face of God.

Confession is a time of repentance and sorrow. It is a moment in life when we are most honest with God…and with ourselves. It is the blessing of a deep inner peace that comes with such sincerity. And, it is also another opportunity to develop the best possible relationship with God, with our neighbor, and with ourselves.

It is easy to fall into the trap of confessing a laundry list of sins that, perhaps, we first confessed as kids or teens. Bad habits of sorts, like a recurring addiction, that seem to have gotten the best of us. But more than repeating our failings and getting absolution, it is really about coming home, being embraced with gentleness and compassion, discovering anew how much we are loved (very much like the Prodigal Son by his Father – Lk 15:11-32), and finding a way to be most truly the person we were created to be.

Of all the sacraments, this is my favorite. I cannot overstate the wonder I have experienced in seeing a penitent, perhaps after many years of separation from the Church and God, with tears of joy upon being reconciled with both…and with themselves. For often, it is easier to accept God’s forgiveness than to forgive oneself. And this, too, is an essential part of the sacrament.

At the start of Confession, I usually ask the penitent to begin (if they have not done so) with the sign of the cross. I tell them that this is not only the sign of our belief that Christ gave His all for us on the cross. It is also a sign that tells us that God still loves us. God is with us and loves us. Of course we all believe it. The problem is that we forget, and when we forget, we do all kinds of stupid things. If we could remember that God is with us, and loves us, I am convinced that it would be impossible (not difficult, but impossible) for us to sin. It’s as if we are driving with a police officer right behind us. If we are aware, we drive more carefully. Not that God is a police officer. Still, we need to remind ourselves that God is with us and loves us. And so I say to the penitent, “Each time you make the sign of the cross, wherever you are, let it be a reminder that GOD IS WITH YOU AND GOD LOVES YOU!”

After confession of their sins, comes the penance, not as a punishment but to help them fulfill their commitment to sin no more, to avoid the near occasion of sin, to grow in the awareness and love of God, to be holy. What I have learned in my short time as a priest is that many of our sins stem from a low self-esteem, which leads us to greed and envy, to lies, to gossip about, judge, and criticize others, and worse to abuse others (or ourselves) verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. Therefore, my primary penance is to have the penitent focus on some aspect of their character that they really like. Something that makes them feel good and proud of who they are. To discover this quality about themselves, to affirm it, to give thanks for it…AND THEN TO LIVE UP TO IT, not to merely comply with some Church law, but to bring out and live the best in them.

This may be well and good. But why confess to another, why not go straight to God? Because Jesus said so. “Whatever you loose on earth, shall be loosed in heaven.” (Mt 18:18) It’s that simple. HE SAID SO. Perhaps because he knows better than we do how much we need it; how healing and life-giving it is. It is a puzzle to me how so many will accept the words of Jesus when it comes to Baptism or the Eucharist, but not so with respect to Reconciliation. We would think it absurd for a faithful Catholic to baptize their baby themselves at home (unless it were an emergency), or to try to consecrate bread and wine at their table. Here we readily accept the role of the priest as an essential part of our faith. Why then do we not when it comes to Confession? Is it not what Jesus commanded?