HEY, PRIEST!

In response to some questions on the Confession blog, first of all, in order for one to commit a sin, that is, for one to separate oneself from God, they have to know that they are committing a sin (or be so negligent that they should have known). Therefore, what we have done in the past (whether as kids or adults) before we knew that it was wrong, is not a sin. And if we have already confessed that sin and been absolved, then there is no need to confess it once more, unless we have re-committed the sin again.

Secondly, regarding our perception of another’s motives, some years ago at Corpus Christi Church in Stone Mountain, GA, a man yelled across the parish hall to get my attention, “HEY, PRIEST!” He had a question about my homily, which we discussed and came to agreement. Noticing my partiality to suspenders, he later gave me a fancy pair he treasured. Last Sunday, at St. Philip Benizi, in Fullerton, CA, a man came out of church after one of my Masses, and he, too, yelled, “HOOOO DUUUUUDE!!! He turned out to be a business man who liked my homily and my celebration of the Mass. Afterwards, we “shook hands” knuckles-to-knuckles. Later the Lector also approached me to say, “You’re one Cool Dude.” All of these expressions at first blush might seem to some to show disrespect in addressing a priest. Yet, each of them was nothing if not an expression of admiration and respect.

We’re not very good at judging another’s thoughts, words, or actions. Don’t know why it preoccupies so much of our time. Perhaps, some do indeed seek to fool us with insincere words, or a false front. There is a story I would like to share.

A big brute of a man walks into a bar and yells, “I’m looking for Murphy. Is Murphy here?” A pip-squeak sitting at the bar turns around, and says, “I’m Murphy.” At which, the burly brute walks up to him, beats him to a pulp, picks him up, throws him to the ground, stomps all over him and then leaves. After a while, the pip-squeak picks himself up with a smirk on his face, and says, “Ha, I fooled him. I’m not Murphy.” Whom did he fool? Whom do we fool when we put on a false face?

Lastly, studies have shown that the best way to change another’s behavior is to affirm their goodness. Affirmation alone may not suffice. We may at times need to confront the other, as Jesus did with the Pharisees (out of love). But we should remember, as I am learning more and more, that confrontation is like an amputation – a measure of last resort, and if done, should be performed with the same level of skillful preparation as that of a surgeon: reflecting on what we are about to do, hopefully with the calmness, tact, and charity that will not do more harm than good. When “tough love” is called for, may we not only be tough but loving, to bring out the best in the other and in us. Peace and joy.