Last weekend, in between a Sunday noon Mass and one at 5:30 at St. Charles Borromeo, in San Francisco, I took a walk to downtown (about a mile or two away) and saw many a shopper with arms or shopping bags full of Christmas presents. I reflected on Christmas gifts I’ve received and given. What is the best Christmas gift you ever received? Gave?
The gift that most of us yearn for more than anything else is…happiness! Christmas is a time when we especially want our loved ones to be happy. We sacrifice ourselves financially and in so many ways to make them happy. And, of course, their happiness also makes us happy.
Perhaps, Christmas is a time to celebrate that God not only gave us the perfect gift and the ultimate happiness, but treated Self to the best gift and happiness by becoming what God loves ~ one of us. Maybe that’s why the angels sang, “Glory to God in the Highest!” God got the gift that God longed for. And God and all the angels in heaven were joyously happy.
If our loved ones’ happiness and our own is our dream, how DO we make it happen? Wise, old Aristotle once said, “Happiness is a life well lived.” Other sages have penned their thoughts. In fact, there are more books on happiness than we probably have time to read. Some recent best sellers include: “The Secret”, “How We Choose to be Happy”, and “True Mentors”. Each of these seems to focus on “success”: setting a goal and then fulfilling it, whether it’s fame, power, wealth, knowledge, acknowledgment, affirmation, or the sheer pleasure of some achievement. Often we find vicarious happiness in the success of our kids or favorite team(s). If we’re honest with ourselves, we cannot deny that all these things do make us happy.
We must also note, however, that studies have been done which show that there are various levels of happiness. For some, happiness is winning the Mega Lottery. For others, it is health. If we get up in the morning and feel no pain, we feel happy. If we have a job, the job we want, if we get a bonus, we are happy. But the studies show that the highest level of happiness is when we make another person happy. Of course, this is what Jesus told us…and showed us.
This is the essence of Christmas: making others happy (which in turn makes us happy). A billboard on a drive from Green Bay, WI to Menominee, MI boldly advertised this message: HAPPINESS IS…HELPING ANOTHER. Precisely what Jesus said, “I came not to be served but to serve.” Those of us who follow him know his message quite well. In fact, we end each Mass with the words, “Go in Peace…to Love and Serve.”
Sadly, there is often a large gap between knowing and doing. There is an expression, “Show me how you live and I’ll tell you what you really believe.” Which should prompt us to ask, “What do we really believe?” Do we really believe that giving/serving is the secret to our happiness here and now (not just some far off reward in heaven)?
Some years ago, I tried an experiment with eighth graders at St. Paul, in Chicago. We lived in a poor, violent neighborhood. There was much senseless violence: shootings, broken store windows, vandalized cars, graffiti on homes, businesses, and even the church. All done for no apparent reason ~ just senseless violence.
So I challenged the students. I asked how many wanted to be happy. All the hands went up. I told them I had the secret to happiness. The first step of this secret was to go home and do a “senseless” act of kindness for their parents or brothers and sisters. Just do something nice for no reason at all, and see the other’s response. I told them to take notice as well of how they themselves felt.
The next day, I asked how many had done the assignment. Most of the hands were raised. I asked them to share their experience. Some helped a younger brother or sister with homework, or Mom in the kitchen, or Dad washing the car, etc. What response did they get? In most cases, the other asked, “Are you OK? Are you sick? What is it you want?” All were smiling and happy. And the students said they, too, felt good, felt happy.
I then asked if they wanted to continue the project. They said, “Yes”. So I told them that the next step was to do something nice for a stranger, because when you do it for someone who knows you, they will usually pay you back. The following day I asked how many had done the assignment. This time only a few hands went up. I asked, “Why, if you saw the result of your kindness?” No one answered. Still, I asked those who did the assignment to share their experiences. Some had helped kids in the neighborhood or nearby park, another helped carry the groceries of an elderly woman, who wanted to give her $5. She had refused, but she was “forced” to take it. Those who did the assignment said that both they and the ones they helped felt happy.
Lastly, I said, “There is one last step to this experiment. Do a good deed for your enemy.” One of the students said she had no enemies. I said, “Do it for someone you like the least.” The next day when I asked how many had done the assignment, no one raised their hand.
We all want to be happy. Perhaps, we need to ask ourselves, “How badly do we want it?” But even more importantly, I believe, is the question, “What IS happiness for us?” For example, for me, it is bringing out the Christ in me and helping others to give birth to Christ as well. There are still a few shopping days left. Why not finish your Christmas list by completing the statement: FOR ME, HAPPINESS IS…And then go out and “buy” yourself the greatest gift. This Christmas may we not settle for less…may we give and get the very best gift…true happiness.
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As always, you seem to answer the question before it is asked. Thank you for helping those of us with less imagination to focus, really focus, on what is important. Long ago when my children were young, I made a rule that from December 1st to December 25th none of us (including us parents) would buy "anything" non-essential for ourselves. I wanted to offer them the gift of helping others by having each one select and buy a gift for another child their own age who was less fortunate and then donate it to the church for distribution. I think the commercialism of the season is "way over the top" and to calm myself and to stay reverently in the season, this is what I do now that all my children are grown. I do send them a small monetary gift but ask each one to pick a charity that has meaning to them and to each charity I also send a monetary gift. Sometimes it takes days for them to pick just the right charity, and they seem to experience a great feeling of gratefulness and satisfaction as they decide who they want to help. Some years I have more to donate, some years less, but it puts us all in the holiday spirit and they seem to be pleased to
ReplyDeleteaccept "less" from me so someone else can have more, just like when they were children. It's a win-win situation in my book as they seem to enjoy thinking about and selecting a charity dear to their hearts every year. This makes me happy because we are all blessed by the fact we were born in the USA for starters, have religious freedom and so many other freedoms that we take for granted, not the least of which is the freedom to choose how we want to live our lives. And dear Fr. Frank, I so agree with you that if we are to "talk the talk, we must walk the walk" which you personify to the nth degree. Thank you for your wonderful words of inspiration and affirmation. You are truly one who lives what he preaches. I so appreciate you and your ministry. For me HAPPINESS is learning from you. PP&L
Your HAPPINESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT brought thoughts of Christmas past and present. In my house now, I am content to ALWAYS have my Nativity Set set up all year. It's all I need at this time; it helps to keep my life simple and calm.
ReplyDeleteDear Fr. Frank, I can't say it enough, thank you for your blogs; they are invaluable.